The downtown community in which I live puts on a simply fabulous (NOT amazing…nooooosiree) little event known as Girls’ Weekend. ‘Round about this time each year, the boutiques and restaurants fling open their doors, deeply discount their merchandise, and welcome the ladies of the community to shop and nosh to their hearts’ content.
Well, color me falsely modest, friends…I’ve won an award.
As is the common protocol with this kind of award, there are a few rules that I must follow in order to properly accept it. I am to thank the giver(s) of the award, share seven things about myself here on today’s post, and then pass the award along to 15 or less fellow bloggers.
Thanks, bloggers! (check)
And now, without further ado, I humbly present:
7 Random Things About The Desperate Housemommy
1. I love, love, love words. Hence the blogging thing.
However.I despise, despise, despise a chosen few words with a fiery, white-hot passion.
My number one irksome word?
Amazing – For the simple reason that it is grossly overused. Once upon a time, this word indicated exceptionality of magical proportions (e.g. – The magician executed an amazing disappearing act.) Sadly, it is now thrown about like a cheap Frisbee and, to my ears, has become a weak substitution for “nifty.”
Also? I it irks me the way the second “a” gets all drawn out. (e.g. “OMG!! Brianna!!!!! I just found the mostamaaaaaazing shade of fuchsia lipstick!!!!!” or “Duuuude. Justin Bieber put on an amaaaaaaazing show last night. I’m gonna go bid on his hair on Ebay now, yo.”
**The first runner up – In the case that “amazing” is unable to fulfill its duties as worst word ever – is “moist.” Just say the word once while conjuring up a moist visual, and I think you’ll see it my way.
2. I have school girl-like crushes on several middle-aged male celebrities. My friends think I am insane. I prefer to think that I am able to see beyond outward appearances and appreciate the beauty of the raw talent wielded by some freaky people. At the top of my Middle-Aged Celebrity Crush list? The inimitable Christopher Walken. You may *think* you know him, but you do not until you have viewed the following video. *pitter pat, pitter pat, pitter pat…*
Not to worry, though, friends…After a stint in rehab as well as months and months and months and months and months of rest, I’m back on my treadmill and chomping at the bit to take it outside once again. And I will, provided that Chicago is soon released from the clutches of Old Man Winter.
4. I am fantastically fond of karaoke. Give me a beer, a microphone, and the accompanying music to Guns ‘n Roses’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine,” and there’s NOTHING I can’t do. Think I’m kidding? I present, by way of evidence, my groom and me on Halloween of 2009.
Kindly stop applauding, friends.
2. Clare at It’s All Good in the (Mother) Hood
3. Joey at Big Teeth & Clouds
5. Stephanie at How to Survive Life in the Suburbs
6. Kimberly at All Work and No Play Makes Mommy Go Something SomethingYou’re welcome, ladies. And have a most excellent weekend.
A Working Breakfast
And I emerge a wiser, more careful Housemommy for the experience.
To paraphrase the words once bumbled by Former President George W. Bush:
Fool me once…shame on you.
Fool me twice…shame on me for not going electronic with my calendar keeping.
Scene: Desperate Kitchen. The Small One is looking especially adorable. The Housemommy, on impulse, scoops him up into a bear hug and plants mushy-gushy kisses all over his face.
DHousemommy says: “What are you always going to be? Tell me one more time so we don’t forget.”
DHousemommy says: “Even though you’re a big first grader now?”
The Small One says: “Yes, Mom.”
DHousemommy says: “Even when you’re sixteen and can drive a car?”
The Small One says: “Yes, Mama!”
DHousemommy says: “Even when you’re thirty and married to some lady and you have babies of your own?”
The Small One says: “Well…Idunno about that. I might skip the marrying part and just look into adoption.”
A dear friend gave me a cookbook over the weekend: Barefoot Contessa – How Easy is That?
On Tuesday afternoon, I sat down at the kitchen table and flipped absent-mindedly through its contents; Have I mentioned that I am not much of a chef? My Desperate attentions immediately honed in with laser-like precision on a photograph which appeared on page 24.
Happy Monday, friends.
Today I’m doing a a bit of housekeeping…both literally and figuratively. It is literal in the sense that today finds me smack dab in the middle of a four-day weekend with The Cherubs. With no school today and tomorrow, the bulk of my time will be devoted to keeping my housefrom spiraling into complete and utter chaos. Literally.
Figuratively speaking, I am doing a little housekeeping with this blog. A bit of clarifying and tidying, if you will. I am thrilled to tell you that, thanks to the efforts of my friend David at Advanced Engineering Interactive Media, I am in the process of becoming Master of my Own Domain. Within a short period of time, my URL will change from thedesperatehousemommy.blogspot.com to DHousemommy.com.
Did you see that? My own domain. And I? Will be master. Muahahahahahaaaaaa!
When the change has been completed, there is nothing you will need to adjust on your end to keep up with me. You will be automatically redirected to DHousemommy.com if you type in the old address. Once the work has been completed, though, you may wish to update your bookmarks. And, yes, you may call me DHouse, yo.
In addition, while we’re on the topic of figurative housekeeping, it has recently come to my attention that The Six Year-Old will not be six for all of eternity.
“Mom? I’m going to be seven in April. D’yathink you could call me something else?” *rolling of eyeballs*
So, friends, from this day forward, The Six Year-Old will be known as The Small One.
*more rolling of eyeballs*
To mark this momentous occasion, I would like to introduce a new feature @ DHousemommy, entitled “The Small One Says.” It will usually be short and sweet. I tell you what I say, and then what The Small One says.
Without further ado, I bring you the inaugural edition of The Small One Says:
Scene: Desperate Kitchen. The Twins and DHousemommy are seated at the table eating bowls of cereal. The Small One, clad in a one-piece sleeper, has meandered into the corner in the of the room and is huddled over a heating vent.
DHousemommy says, “Hon? Come back the breakfast table, please. Do you really need to crouch over the vent like that?”
The Small One Says: “Mom. It is cozy here. I like sitting on the heating vents. I am a heat-seeking missile.”